God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
