i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
