I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
