I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
