Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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