Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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