she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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