he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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