Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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