rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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