I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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