At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
