Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there was a trapeze. enough said
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
