i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
