so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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