Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Randomize
