Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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