so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
