Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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