I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
