i just wanna soil my oats bro
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
