Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
