He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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