giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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