How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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