Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
