Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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