Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
