im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
