her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
