we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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