Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
