Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
