And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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