Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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