so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
