I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
