be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
