he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
