What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
