onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
