He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
