Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
