that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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