I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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