She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
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