She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
