4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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