i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
