He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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