direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
