someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
