Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize