see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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