First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
