Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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