So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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