Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
